he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize