Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
