I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You made out with two different species that night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
