Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
