Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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