Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
