Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
