Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
