They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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