Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
