she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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