I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
