Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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