I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
