pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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