I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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