ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
