I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
