We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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