I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
