she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
