it wasn't lemon gatorade
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
