Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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