i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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