how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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