Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
