I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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