Need sex. Gaining weight.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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