A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
