i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
either way he was missing a nipple.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
