I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize