I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
