she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
