its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
