I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
