just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
