i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Life is so much better after having sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
