3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize