no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
