The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
