another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
