Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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