And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
