My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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