I love black thongs
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
