He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He is an equal opportunity slut.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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