you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
