Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
