Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
