Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
