When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
