my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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