Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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