You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
