Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
