I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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