Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
