fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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