allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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