It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
