i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
