is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
