Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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