Old men and throwing up are my life now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
