Kiss
Puke
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
