If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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