TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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