Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
