Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to calm my uterus...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
