Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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