Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He shit in the fireplace
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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