Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
this hospital has no fireball
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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