i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
