i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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