you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
