She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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