I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
